


Defiled National Icon

by zetsubonna



Series: All American Bicycle [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Everybody except Tony/Steve, Everybody/Steve, F/M, M/M, Multi, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Steve has no shame, Steve used to be a prostitute, Tony is so fucking done with your shit Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:18:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2123316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zetsubonna/pseuds/zetsubonna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>anon said:<br/>fic request: steve is unfazed by sex because he used to sell himself back in the day/ and someone/everyone finds out. I like it if he's nonchalant about it but It can also totally go the other way. There is just not enough of this trope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wait, What?

”So, this is awkward,” Natasha turned her back, and Sam, belatedly, remembered to do so, too.

"Is this seriously the weirdest thing you’ve caught me doing?" Steve asked as Bucky rolled his eyes and graciously laid down on top of him, covering them both with the blanket up to their necks.

Well, up to  _his_  neck. Steve was still cuffed to the bedposts.

"No," Natasha replied, just as Sam said "Yes."

Bucky snorted and nuzzled into the side of Steve’s neck. “Remember Corsica?”

Steve laughed so hard he started to wheeze. “I do,” he admitted, “I didn’t know  _you_  did.”

"Mm," Bucky kissed Steve’s jaw, starting to squirm down under the blankets, and Steve’s giggling tapered off into a breathy sigh. "Corsica was the best damn part of the whole war."

"What happened in Corsica?" Natasha asked, looking, but only because Sam already had and was starting to quickly walk away.

"Peggy found out how Steve used to pay the rent. Give us an hour."

***

"Hang on," Clint said, frowning. "Hang on a minute."

Sam, Bucky and Natasha all raised their eyebrows at him.

"Why is everybody wearing Nets shirts? Is this a thing? Do we root for the Nets?"

Sam snorted. Steve giggled into the frying pan where he was scrambling eggs and sausage. Natasha and Bucky answered at the same time. “Corsica.”

***

"I feel like I’m literally the last person to be let in on the joke," Tony complained.

"You are," Bruce said smoothly.

"What’s the joke?" Tony demanded. "What the Hell happened in Corsica?"

"Corsica is where they were when Peggy found out how Steve used to pay the rent," Clint said.

"I don’t see what this has to do with the massive influx of Brooklyn Nets t-shirts in the Tower," Tony said, frowning and folding his arms over his chest.

"You wouldn’t," Natasha said primly. "He doesn’t like you."

Tony shot Steve a wounded look that Steve completely ignored.

***

"Rhodey?"

"Yeah, Tony?"

"Since when do you root for the Nets?" Tony was getting tired of this.

"I don’t," Rhodey grinned into his coffee mug. "I’m definitely a Lakers guy."

"Corsica," Tony accused.

"You know about Corsica?" Rhodey blinked at him, and Tony scowled.

"No, I don’t. I’m the only damned person in the whole Tower who doesn’t, apparently."

"Pepper might not," Rhodey said, attempting to be soothing. "Hill doesn’t, I don’t think. It’s pretty much limited to-"

"To?" Tony prompted. Rhodey winced, hesitating.

"People who’ve slept with me," Steve said from behind him, and Rhodey scratched his chin, looking anywhere but at Tony, who was glaring at him with the wounded aura of a man betrayed. "And people who’ve slept with people who’ve slept with me. Why are you in my business, Tony?"

"You give out  _t-shirts_ ,” Tony said, slow and incredulous. “To people who’ve  _slept_  with you.”

"I swear, there’s an echo when I talk to you, Stark," Steve leaned on the fridge, gesturing with a bottle of fancy lemonade. "I just said that."

"I thought you were a virgin," Tony said. "You  _act_  like one.”

"I haven’t been a virgin since 1938," Steve said, raising both eyebrows. "Good to know my propaganda machine’s been working overtime."

"So you’ve slept with-" Tony counted them off on his fingers. "Barnes, Wilson, Romanoff, Barton, Thor, Foster, Banner  _and_  Rhodes.”

"You missed a couple, but yeah, this century, sure," Steve swallowed a gulp of lemonade.

"That’s like, eight people. At least eight people. Possibly ten people. In four years."

"I’m getting slow in my old age," Steve shrugged, and Rhodey snorted into his coffee. "Should see my numbers for ‘42."

"Why?" Tony demanded.

"At first, it was for the money," Steve said patiently. "I had to make my half of the rent somehow."

"You used to be a hooker," Tony’s voice was flat, disbelieving.

"It was just suckjobs," Steve swallowed another mouthful of lemonade. "But yeah. Three bucks a trick. So?"

"You’re  _Captain America_ ,” Tony threw up his hands in disbelief.

"I haven’t been Captain America very long, from my perspective," Steve reminded him. "I was Steve Rogers for most of my life. And Steve Rogers needed to eat."

"I still don’t get the Corsica part," Rhodey admitted shyly. "What happened in Corsica?"

"Bucky got  _very_  drunk,” Steve sighed, smiling fondly, “And Peggy got a little tipsy. And he decided he needed to know if she was good enough for me. The  _real_  me, not the new me everybody was seeing at the time.”

"So, what, he told her you used to be a prostitute?" Tony couldn’t stand up anymore. He sat on a stool, shaking his head.

"While we were having a threesome," Steve said flatly. "Mind you,  _I_ was stone cold sober, and had already told Peg I didn’t know anything about courting, or women, or relationships. Because I didn’t. I knew about  _sex_ , mostly suckjobs, and mostly in a professional context. I was fairly sure she was going to dump me and stomp out without her heels.”

"But she was fine with it," Rhodey said.

"She wasn’t  _fine_  but she was  _okay_ ,” Steve said, smiling, looking, at last, a little shy. “Probably didn’t hurt that, at least according to Bucky, I look  _very_ good doing what I do.”

"You look  _amazing_ ,” Rhodey agreed, grinning at him over his coffee cup. Steve’s shyness disappeared as he grinned back and gave Rhodey a cheeky wink.

"Not enough caffiene in the world for this!" Tony complained, stomping out of the kitchen.

"Jealous," Rhodey pronounced.

Steve leaned over him and stole a kiss. “Yeah. Of me.”


	2. Puff, Puff, Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am a goddamn delightful human being. “Puff Puff” is not just a description used for smoking marijuana, it is also Japanese slang for a titfuck/breasts-on-penis massage, because I can’t resist an opportunity to make a joke about Steve’s boobs.
> 
> You’re fucking welcome. (Also, when I was typing opportunity I was reminded that the Japanese word for boobs is _oppai_. I am full of sass.)

They had a few team bonding exercises before, usually just a meal out as a group, but nobody realized Steve was  _finally_  comfortable until, one night, when Stark couldn’t make it and they decided to go to Steve’s Brooklyn apartment and watch a movie, he ended up stretched out on his massive, deep-set couch with his head on Bucky’s thigh and his feet in Sam’s lap, his hand hanging off and occasionally playing with Natasha’s hair as she sat on the floor on a throw pillow.

Clint, Thor and Bruce all took notice of the shift in his body language at different times: Cap sprawled out like a lazy cat, eyes half closed, lips curled in a smug little smile, Natasha leaning toward his hand when she wanted to be petted and him occasionally turning around to nuzzle Bucky’s stomach while Sam’s arms rested proprietorially across his calves, one hand occasionally drifting along his ankle. They exchanged glances, each of them blushing faintly, and then tried to watch the movie rather than staring.

It was pretty obvious the people he was laying on were accustomed to him being physically affectionate, because none of them reacted right away. After ten minutes, Sam glanced at him, amused, and Bucky felt Sam looking and tugged Steve’s hair to get him to look up, and Natasha made a low sound in her throat when Steve stopped petting her and turned around to look at him, too.

"What?" Steve asked.

"You never touch us in front of people," Sam said.

"Oh," Steve closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against Bucky’s stomach. He shrugged. "No people here. Everybody’s seen me naked with a dick in my mouth at least once."

Bucky shoved Steve’s head affectionately. Sam groaned. Natasha grinned at him. On the loveseat, Thor boomed out a laugh while Clint put his hand over his face. In Bucky’s recliner, Bruce crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, shaking his head and compressing his lips against a smile.

"It is good to know that you are so comfortable with your shield brothers, Steven," Thor said, still shaking a little with laughter.

"Is Stark the reason you usually behave yourself?" Clint asked.

"I ain’t saying I dislike him," Steve said, looking directly at Bruce. "He just makes me edgy."

"I can understand that," Bruce conceded, adjusting his glasses.

"You do have a habit," Sam noted, "Of only outing yourself to people you’re trying to sleep with."

Steve nodded, smiling widely without showing any teeth, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Nobody else’s business,” he said, rolling his shoulder in a shrug. “S’the only time it’s relevant.”

"You appear to be playing favorites," Thor teased, putting his elbow on the arm of the loveseat and resting his chin on it, faking a pout. "James and Samuel get the bulk of your attentions."

"They  _are_  my favorites,” Steve confirmed, then smirked at him. “What’s the matter? You feeling neglected?”

"I do not think Lady Jane would object to demonstrations of affection," Thor mused. "Considering that she falls within your definition of ‘not people.’ I will inquire."

Bruce choked.

"I’ll sit with you next time," Steve promised.

"I’d watch you guys make out," Clint said, raising his eyebrow. "That sounds stupidly hot."

"It is," Bucky and Sam confirmed in unison, then laughed at each other, quiet, rippling chuckles going across their shoulders, and Steve, delighted to see Bucky relaxed enough to laugh, pulled him down by his shirt for a kiss.

"You should see him when Bucky’s taking him apart," Natasha drawled.

"It’s better than porn," Sam agreed. "Especially when you get to help."

Bucky, who still had his tongue in Steve’s mouth, grunted pleasantly.

Bruce was shaking his head again. “How am I even here?”

"You’re really smart, comfortably fuzzy and you have amazing hair," Steve offered, as Bucky sat back and pushed the hair out of his own face. "Besides, as slow as you have to go, you make every second of it an experience."

Bruce blushed, pleased, looking away and tightening his arms across his chest as he leaned back in the chair.

"We should do this more," Clint said decisively. "Just get together every couple of weeks, without Stark, and you guys can pass Steve around like a bong."

Everyone laughed, and Steve let it simmer down into a smirk before he relaxed back into Bucky’s lap.

"I’ll wear looser pants," he said.

* * *

The next time they met, it was in Natasha’s Manhattan apartment, the poshness of which surprised no one, especially not Clint, who’d crashed on her lovely leather sofa at least a dozen times. By the time the pizza was gone and those who could get drunk were starting to feel the buzz, Steve was straddling Thor’s lap, one hand on his chest, the other in his hair. Thor’s hands on Steve’s thigh and back, and every pause for breath started with him sucking Steve’s bottom lip while Steve ground into his stomach.

"Aww, shit," Clint muttered. "That  _is_  ridiculously hot.”

"Are the shirts coming off, or are you two feelin’ shy?" Bucky asked, rotating his long necked beer bottle lazily with his right hand.

Thor immediately started tugging on Steve’s shirt, which made him laugh.

"We’re takin’ audience requests now?" Steve asked Thor, cocking his head to one side.

"It’s no different than usual," Thor pointed out. "Merely James rather than Lady Jane."

Clint groaned. “Less talking, more kissing. And grab his ass again.”

* * *

"Hey, I’m having steaks sent up to the penthouse, if anybody wants to join us," Tony announced.

"I have a thing," Clint said.

"Me, too," Natasha said, jerking a thumb at Clint. "Same thing."

"Bruce?" Tony said, beaming at him.

"Uh," Bruce furrowed his brows and looked toward his feet. "I- I have plans."

"Raincheck, Stark," Steve said smoothly. "Guys?"

Bucky and Sam gave Tony a shrug before following Steve toward the elevators.

"Next time, friend Anthony," Thor assured him, following the trail. "Hold! I will accompany you."

Tony looked at Pepper and Rhodey when everyone else had left, frowning, his brow wrinkling in distress. “Did I do something?”

* * *

"I’m starting to feel guilty about this," Bruce murmured, running his fingers through Steve’s hair.

"I knew Banner would be the weak link," Clint complained. "He’s practically Stark’s second boyfriend."

"I’m not!" Bruce retorted. "Look, I just- it’s mean, okay? It’s kind of mean, that’s all. He’s starting to think he did something."

"He didn’t do anything in particular," Steve said, frowning and shifting so it looked a little bit less like he was going to start blowing Bruce any minute- although he had been really tempted about five minutes earlier. "He’s just so-  _Stark_.”

"He looks like his dad," Bucky noted. Thor, Sam and Natasha were on the couch this time. Bucky was on the floor, between Sam’s knees, as Sam was putting braids in his hair at random. Clint was perched in the easy chair, Steve and Bruce on the loveseat. "Only Howard was about ten times cuter."

"Howard could be a jerk, too, though," Steve said, rolling his eyes. "Useful, generous, good in a tight situation, but after hours you wanted to deck him at least once a week."

"I can think a fella’s cute and still want to punch him in the face," Bucky retorted. "Also, and no offense, Bruce, Clint- Tony’s like, what, fifty?"

Steve snorted.

"He’s forty-five," Bruce said, frowning. "And you’re almost a hundred."

"I’m hot," Bucky said, shrugging, unrepentant. "Also, Steve was mine first. You’re all borrowing him from me. Except Sam. Sam has infinite access."

"I’m touched," Sam said with an incredulous smile, tying off another braid with a tiny black elastic.

"Okay," Steve said, "We’re going to have to at least give him some hints before we tell him the truth."

"We’re gonna have to tell him sooner than later," Sam said, gesturing with his box of Red Hots. "Rhodey is  _definitely_  interested.”

Steve perked up immediately. “He said so?”

"Please," Sam rolled his eyes. "I have the best damn radar for who I can sleep with on the planet. He wants  _me_ , you’re just the bonus.”

"You know you’re my favorite person, right, Sam?"

"He’s everyone’s favorite person," Bucky said, stealing Sam’s beer. "As he damn well should be."

"If we act like we’re screwing with him, it might soften it a little bit," Natasha offered.

"Remember when you guys ended up telling  _me_  because you were all wearing those damn Nets shirts?” Clint asked.

"Oh God," Steve laughed. "Your face was so funny."

"That’s brilliant," Natasha actually flashed teeth in her smile for Clint, which made him feel very proud of himself. "That’s an ice breaker  _and_  it works.”

"How long shall we continue this ruse before we clarify ourselves to Anthony?" Thor asked, his brow knitted. "I share Bruce’s apprehension. He can be as sensitive as he is off-putting. It is a flaw in his character, but ultimately, he is our shield brother, and, even if you don’t wish to be affectionate with him, Steven- as is your absolute right- excluding him from group bonding activities feels somewhat cruel."

"After Steve and I hook up with Rhodey, it’s over," Sam said, shrugging. "Rhodey’s his best friend, he’s not going to be able to miss that."

* * *

"Cap."

"Stark."

Tony drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I reacted so poorly to you hooking up with Rhodey.” He pursed his lips, then frowned. “That’s what it was, right? A hook up?”

Steve shrugged. “Pretty much. I think he and Sam might start something, but I just wanted to fool around.”

"Are you-" Tony paused, clearly having difficulties. "Are you just fooling around with everybody, or?"

"I can’t speak for anyone but myself," Steve said, his expression firmly neutral. "Bucky and I have always been a thing. Sam and I are a thing. Nat and I are considering becoming a thing. Everybody else is just fun."

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. “Gotta say, Cap. Kinda breaking my brain, here.”

"You should know better than anybody not to believe the public relations machine, Tony," Steve reminded him. He smiled ruefully. "And Howard couldn’t have told you any different. He knew about Bucky and Peggy, but not anything before that."

"I guess it didn’t occur to me that you were  _that_  poor,” Tony said, frowning.

"It was only partially the money," Steve’s shoulders were loose, his brows lowered in a flat line. "The other part was being queer and not having any other outlets. I did it for free in clubs and for money at the docks, it wasn’t a big deal. Nothing bad happened."

Tony folded his arms across his chest. “That’s good to know.”

"That’s why we didn’t invite you," Steve said, mimicking his body language. "When we’d go out, after. Nobody could figure out how to explain to you that we’re all sleeping together, or how you’d feel about it, since you’re exclusive with Pepper."

Tony frowned deeper. “Why does that matter?”

Steve looked up at the ceiling, then back at Tony, allowing himself to smile. “Because, Tony. We don’t go  _out_. We don’t do anything. We go to Nat’s or we go to my place, put on a movie or some music and I wander around cuddling with everybody.”

"Cuddling?" Tony stared at him. "That’s it?"

Steve considered, then tapped himself in the forehead. “Cuddling doesn’t mean the same thing anymore. Making out, Tony. Petting. Sometimes pretty heavy. Everybody except Clint, but Clint likes to watch.”

"How heavy?" Tony said, brows knitting.

Steve sighed, rolling his eyes, hands on his hips. “I’ve sucked everybody off while everybody else watched at least once.  _Heavy_.”

Tony gaped at Steve in silence for several seconds. He tried to speak, then closed his mouth again. He uncrossed his arms, lifted one hand to try and gesture as he spoke, dropped both, lifted both, ran his fingers through his hair, paced in a circle, and then said, frowning, “But you’re  _Captain_ fucking  _America_.”

"The emphasis was in the wrong place there, maybe," Steve said, trying not to laugh.

Tony put his hand over his face. “No, listen.  _Listen to me_. My father- I had- You were-“

"Howard had no idea," Steve said patiently. "I don’t usually out myself to anyone who I’m not trying to sleep with. We just decided we had to tell  _you_  because it was getting hard to keep it a secret. Bruce and Thor were starting to feel bad about leaving you in the dark.”

"I had all of it," Tony mumbled. "Everything. The comics, the cards, the lunchbox, the pajamas, the bed sheets- if they put your face on it, Dad bought it. Until I was like,  _nine_.”

"I apologize for ruining your childhood," Steve said, patting Tony’s shoulder. "Though from what I’ve heard about you in the ’90s, I don’t think your numbers are that far behind mine."

"That’s-" Tony scowled and pushed at his hand. "That’s hardly- Shut up."

Steve smirked. “I think we’ve both got Thor beat, and he’s been around a lot longer.”

"This isn’t something I want to have in common with you," Tony said, crossing his arms again. "I don’t want to know this. I don’t want to know any of this!"

"Maybe Bucky’s right about you," Steve mused. "Maybe you are too old."

"You’re both in your nineties!" Tony said indignantly. "I’m not old! I’m just- I’m a reformed monogamist, okay? Jesus."

"Really?" Steve peered at him. "I thought for sure you and Pepper and Rhodey-"

"Oh my  _God_ , we are  _not_  having this conversation,” Tony flung up his hands in disgust. “Go away, Steve. Get out of my building.”

"I’ve even ruined the themesong for you, haven’t I?" Steve called after him. "You should hear the version Bucky wrote. It’s the worst!"

"Not listening! Nope!" Tony plugged his ears as he stood in the elevator, waiting for the doors to close. "Nope! Erasing this from my brain. Conversation never happened!"


	3. Steve Told You Bucky Did It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know my damn anons, and even if my ask box is currently closed, I know that as soon as I opened it back up, someone would request this, so I went ahead and wrote it.
> 
> I am proud of "Thirty-Six Dollars," that fic I wrote for the Hydra Trash Party.  
> I am not proud of this. At all.
> 
> It was mentioned in the Skippy's List parody ages ago at the kink meme (#21), but it seems like nobody actually did it.  
> So, here you go. The first(?) dirty parody version of _The Star Spangled Man._

_Who’s the blond punk, here to buff the American Way?_   
_Who’s quickest to fall on his knees anytime, night or day?_   
_Who will get down on the floor for America,_   
_Go all around the world for America,_   
_From Hoboken to Spokane,_   
_The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!_

_He ain't bad ridin' the deck, but he’s an icing queen,_   
_Who’ll half-and-half or give a French bath, he’s always keen?_   
_Who’s the best mouth artist in America,_   
_Who’ll rise or fall, give his all for America,_   
_Swallows to prove that he can?_   
_The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!_

_Skillfull and noisy and lewd,_   
_(this guy can make you shoot, we tell ya, there’s no substitute!)_   
_Even when he's dolled up in the damn_   
_Red, White, and Blue!_   
_Who’s ace in the sack, but never brings the damn slick?_   
_(all this shit-talk makes him sore)_   
_Smart mouth only stops runnin' when he's suckin' my dick?_   
_(He knows what his tongue’s good for!)_   
_Who is the reason I call my dick America?_   
_We know it’s no-one but Captain America,_   
_Who’ll finish what they began?_   
_Goes off quick if you eat jam?_   
_The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!_   
_(Who's the blond punk, here to suck the American way?!)_

* * *

 

"Bucky, I hate you." Steve punched him in the shoulder.

Bucky was completely unrepentant. “I think we all know my version’s more true.”

Steve hung his head and sighed. “I hate you so much.”

"So not only did you  _write_ a dirty version of Steve's theme song," Tony held his glass in front of Rhodey, who refilled it.

"He _sings_ it. Full voice. _Whenever he feels like it_." Steve punched Bucky's shoulder again.

"It's fuckin' complimentary as Hell," Bucky argued, punching Steve in the thigh.

"Okay, I think," Clint was rubbing his forehead. "I think I got all the blow job and anal references, but that last one threw me."

"It's a rimming joke," Natasha supplied, raising both eyebrows.

"Oh my God," Sam groaned. "That's really more information than anybody needs."

"Like you don't already know!" Bucky hit Sam with a marshmallow.

"You two- It's no wonder they made Bucky a kid in the comics," Pepper borrowed Tony's drink and swallowed half of it. " You're a menace."

"I'm not the P. R. Steve needs," Bucky said, scooping up Mavra and settling her on his lap. "I'm the P. R. he deserves."

"No more Nolan for you!" Natasha swatted Bucky's shin. "That again. It's worse than when they showed you  _Inception_ and you made 'deeper' jokes for three weeks."

"He's not allowed to watch _Game of Thrones_ anymore, either," Sam said firmly. "Not after he said it in the damn bedroom."

"You're all jerks," Bucky said, lifting Mavra up and nuzzling at her nose. "I finally get my sense of humor back and nobody appreciates it."

"I missed your terrible jokes," Steve assured him, leaning on his shoulder. "That doesn't make them less terrible, though."


End file.
